IS there anything quite so wonderful as a bank of beer barrels stretching away into the distance?

Of course, at a certain age when eyesight becomes unreliable, this vision is an impressionistic one - but magnificent nonetheless.

Such was the weekend scene at the ever-popular Abbfest which greeted one weary punter of dubious vintage.

Former Beeb regular Judy Spiers was entertaining the troops in her usual ebullient manner on the cookery demonstration stage with a clutter of gastronomes scampering around her speaking into head-fixed mouthpieces.

They appeared to be doing something faintly dodgy with an obscure continental cheese - all this magnified on a giant TV for the benefit of the mildly myopic.

Meanwhile, other impaired gawkers nearby were squinting like fury to read the names of the 180 beers and 30-odd ciders lined up alongside the culinary demo.

Troublesome scrutiny of the assembled concoctions was interrupted by one of the leather-clad volunteer servers who suggested in all innocence that the parched customer should have a Shag, a Shaldon Shag.

This proved a joyous experience, recounted afterwards in such explicit and tedious detail to one fellow taster

that she wickedly recommended Hunter’s Full Bore - an invitation eagerly accepted by the witless imbiber.

This orgy of plenty can quickly get out of hand. A sample here, a schnifter there. Before you know it everything becomes a bit of a blur and one becomes intoxicated by one’s own inane chat.

The original intention was to make a note of the excellent drinks sampled. A pencil was used to mark a tatty scrap of notepaper with the incomprehensible scrawl of the inattentive recorder.

Such is life. Over time, the inhospitable environment of the critic’s trouser pocket conspired to erase the light pencil scratchings dutifully made at the Fermoy’s venue.

Barely legible afterwards was a comment to the effect that Platform Five’s ‘Coaster’ offering was worthy of mention on account of having two, or possibly three, helpings.

Aiding and abetting this incompetent reviewer to make a complete hash of the proceedings was Juri Auel, a native of Frankfurt whose typically German diligence in doing a thorough barman’s job had a deleterious effect on the drinker’s diary.

The grateful recipient of his liquid largesse simply lost the plot into the reservoir of refreshment which Juri made so readily available.

But before slipping, or even sipping, into the sweet and smiling silence of over-indulgence, the tearaway taster was able to recall Juri’s account of how these things were done in his country.

“We call such events ‘kirmes,’ They are local funfairs with lots of beer. But they are not like Abbfest because in Germany we all get *******,” he explained helpfully.

It was at this moment that Juri showed off his remarkable ability to use the grosser words of the English language in all their robust majesty.

A veil over Juri’s unique way with the lingo he had come to know and love during his six months placement with the Mid-Devon Advertiser. Sadly, he returned to Frankfurt yesterday (thurs) - taking with him an enviable arsenal of the vivid vernacular to offload on unsuspecting pals. Auf Wiedersehen, mein Freund.

But Abbfest is not just about demos and drink. There was a plethora of stalls to explore and musicians to marvel at - and even listen to.

This year’s bewildering line-up of genial and generous hawkers was no disappointment.

Temptations which gave way to purchase included a medium-sized figgy pudding, but the investment was made only after the greedy pig was persuaded by the three or four samples tested.

And special mention must go to the trader selling ceramic coasters in the form of little square maps of popular parts of Devon.

Salcombe, Totnes, Burgh Island and Marldon were duly acquired - and they didn’t coaster fortune.

And on that dud note, we shall close this wobbly and uncertain account of Abbfest 2015…best remembered for overhearing one malcontent moan: “I’ve been here an hour now - and not one single freebie…”

Bless!What a charitable lot you are http://bit.ly/1Vd3T3R